Schadenfreude
by MekkaBabble
Summary: Rock's dragged to the Skull Castle and makes his way home with some new friends. Complete...finally.
1. Razing the Roof

_A/n: Okay, I screwed up...badly. This story got removed for involving real people and it serves me right. I apologize to whomever I upset and hope this version of Operation: Bushwhack is more enjoyable. On a lighter note, I'd like to thank everyone who read and responded to the previous version of this (from the people that added me to a favorites list to those who flamed me via e-mail and even the person that reported me). Now that I've lost all reviews for this, they need to be replaced, so you know what to do once you get to the end._

_Give credit where it's due: Don't own it, never did, ect._

In the year 2004 in...Tokyo, Monstropolis, New York, just where? Hell, even Capcom doesn't know, so we'll just say Oklahoma. Regardless, there was a typical family doing their best to live out the American dream in the bowels of suburbia. The father made enough money to provide his family with the best this great country had to offer, namely a cookie-cutter house surrounded by a white picket fence. Although he lacked a wife, this scientist still had two children; predictably an older son and younger daughter playfully named Rock and Roll. They even had a dog; after all, every family needs some type of house pet.

Okay, so maybe 'typical' is the wrong word. There was the complete absence of the oldest child, who had long ago wandered off to see the world. The dog functioned better as a car or surfboard than a pet, and there was another strange creature that ran around the house. He was sculpted in the image and likeness of a trashcan, but everyone affectionately referred to him as 'Eddie'. Regardless of how abnormal this family was, they had a happy life. Especially now, their lives were so peaceful, because the bad guy was all the way in Iraq. In fact, their only real problem was that life was perfect to the point of being boring.

Dr. Light knew this. He also knew that when robots got bored, they wanted something to do. He learned the hard way that if they weren't given anything to do, they_ found_ something to do and it was usually destructive. To prevent a potential catastrophe from erupting as they had in the past, he kept Roll busy by showing her some of the amazing properties of baking soda and vinegar and sent Rock outside to play with Rush.

Things seemed to be going well. At least Dr. Light thought so until he heard, or rather felt, an explosion large enough to shake the house. Roll waited for the floor to stop rattling and raced from the lab to see just what occurred. Dr. Light followed her and was greeted by a pile of flaming bricks, wood, and what might have been furniture scattered about a formerly perfect lawn. It was at this time he heard his angry neighbor pounding on the door. With a shudder, the good doctor answered and played a nice, friendly game of dumb. "Hello Mr. Ambord! How are you?" he paused, noticing Mr. Ambord tightly gripping a red-faced Rock by the shoulders. "Is there something wrong?"

Mr. Ambord gave our pint-sized hero a shove, "Yes. I should let little boy blue tell you what happened." Rock quickly turned around to glare at Mr. Ambord, trying to decide what to be more upset about, getting dragged to his front door, or being called 'little boy blue'. "Rock?" Dr. Light prompted. The robot looked to his creator, "Well...." He said shyly, "Rush and I were playing fetch and...I accidentally broke Mr. Ambord's window..."

"You little liar!!" Mr. Ambord shouted from the doorway. Rock cringed and continued his story, "with a live grenade...that landed in his fireplace...and it caused the house to explode?" he finished tentatively.

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry. He's never done anything like this before." Dr. Light said. Of course, that was a bloody lie. Rock destroyed things all the time, but always with the doctor's permission and blessing. "I'll definitely have him do something to repair the damage."

"Please do!" Mr. Ambord huffed before storming away. Dr. Light quietly shut the door and turned to his prize creation. Our hero buried his face in his hands. He had never seen his creator so angry, let alone at him! All he did was obliterate one house. He would just offer to rebuild it tomorrow. Heck, he even was going to invite the Ambords to spend the night so they wouldn't have to bother with a hotel. He figured that after saving the world 15 times or so, one mishap was nothing to be _that_ upset about.

"YOU!" Dr. Light shouted, apparently, not seeing things from his son's point of view. Rock cringed, feeling afraid for one of the first times in his short life. What did Dr. Light have in store for him? Reprogramming (a process euphemistically referred to as reeducation)? Maybe shock therapy? "Tomorrow you're going to rebuild the Ambord's house! Now go to your room for the rest of the night!" Rock sighed, '_or that_' he thought bitterly. The little robot nodded. "Yes sir." He said meekly and began the painful march upstairs without protest.

Roll waited until her humiliated brother was out of sight, then smiled evilly. It was finally her turn to be the favorite, "So Dr. Light, what would you like for dinner?" she asked pleasantly. "Whatever you feel like cooking Roll. I'll be in the lab banging my head against a wall."

Where did he go wrong? It didn't take long for the doctor to trace this problem back to one insignificant detail. When he created Rock, between the ultra-advanced AI, weapons emulation technology, and titanium armor, installing an 'off' switch just never occurred to him.

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Dr. Wily sighed and watched as the melting ice cream fell from his spoon and back into the container. '_Soy_ ice cream' he reminded himself. The doctor had discovered years ago that he was lactose-intolerant, and then people had the gall to wonder why he went insane. Anyone lacking the ability to digest wonderful treats such as pizza and ice cream would do the same. He shuddered, no matter how many times he ate that terrible, inferior ice cream; he could never bring himself to think it tasted like anything more than wet cardboard.

It was time to put it back and look for something with flavor that didn't have dairy in it. The doctor ambled to his freezer, opened the door and braced himself..."GO AWAY!" an irate voice screamed near his feet. Dr. Wily looked down, stirring the mock-ice cream with his spoon, "Iceman Iceman Iceman..." he said pitifully, "You can't stay in there forever." Iceman blinked from his position of the bottom shelf in the freezer. He had been there for nearly five days strait, and was enjoying himself immensely. He tried to shut the door, screw that second rule of robotics. Rules were made to be broken anyway. "Just watch me! On second thought, don't! Go away!"

Wily stopped the door with his foot, an action he quickly regretted. He winced, "I don't think you're hearing me, Iceman. Get out."

"No!" Iceman shouted savagely and shut the door tight. Dr. Wily attempted to reopen it with no avail. He didn't so much care about Iceman's emotional health so much as he did about getting indefinitely cut off from half his food supply. The doctor sighed. All of his Robot Masters had been acting so strange as of late. Dustman had predictably taken a liking to cleaning the castle (and had even managed to get the old man smell out of the carpet). Thanks to Plantman, half of the robots developed a taste for gardening. The other half, like Iceman, became overprotective of select household appliances. Dr. Wily just could never figure out why, such was the price of living with robots the way some people do cats.

Truth be told, he didn't particularly care. But he did care about getting his robots back to their normal, vile selves. The most practical way to do such a thing was to have them fight something, besides each other of course. Oh, if only that contemptible Rockman was around for a change! "That can be arranged..." Dr. Wily wasted no time. He went strait to his newly cultivated garden and found Gutsman wearing a pair of bright pink clogs, lovingly plating a new bed of tulips. He resisted an urge to vomit. "Oh Gutsman, I've got a special job for you."

The giant robot was proverbially all ears, "Do you remember where Dr. Light lives?" He nodded. "Good, because I need you to go capture Rockman and bring him here."

Gutsman stood up and gave Wily a rib-crushing hug, "Oh Doc, you've made me so happy! Now I can quit gardening!"

"That's the idea!" Dr. Wily gasped as Gutsman dropped him to the ground and ran off, logically to find a plane. The scientist cackled between breaths while hugging his sides, '_Perfect, just perfect_.'


	2. Silicon Girl

_A/N: hope you all are enjoying this so far. In this chapter prepare to experience a more realistic take on some hot, steamy robot sex. Take that, Rockman yaoi writers! _

Rock sat on the carpet with his forehead pressed against his window, surveying the damage he had inadvertently caused. He had managed to stave off boredom all afternoon by napping and then reading 'Martin the Warrior' for an 8th time. But now, it was getting late, and there was nothing to do expect think about what happened today and let the guilt finally seep into him. Rock laughed slightly. That was likely what Dr. Light had in mind. Even worse, he'd be paying dearly for his mistake tomorrow... or maybe not.

Rock slipped out of his room and into the front yard, careful not to wake anyone. "Hey Eddie," Rock whispered, noticing the sentient trashcan had been locked outside for the night. Not that it mattered, so long as the little robot didn't get in his way. Rock reasoned that if he at least cleared the rubble, some of the anger aimed at him would dissipate.

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No more than a cul-de-sac away, holding a notepad, Gutsman stomped out of a private jet piloted by Quickman. "How's the best way to say this..."he mused, before stumbling upon what he thought was sheer literary brilliance. "001101 011010010 010100 010 10 01101 0. 01010,1010 000 10110101 111010! 010101 010 0101, Gutsman PS: ROFLMAO!" With a smile much bigger than it should have been, he began the short march to the Light residence.

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Eddie noticed the giant robot first and charged him with a battle cry pitched higher than Rock's voice. Obviously the attack did little more than amuse Gutsman, as he just popped open Eddie's head and tossed the note inside. Eddie let out another shrill cry and, predictably, Rock ran over to him, but mostly out of fear he'd wake someone up. Gutsman paid the sentient trashcan no more heed, easily lifted our hero from his feet, and flung him over his shoulder.

It took a few seconds before Rock finally realized what was happening, and then pounded on his enemy's back and demanded that he be let go. The big robot paid no attention to it as he made his way back to Quickman. The three were soon speeding toward the current Skull Castle, located in Iraq. Gutsman sat settled in the back with Rock in his lap, pinning the smaller robot's arms to his sides.

"Let me go!" Rock insisted again.

"No"

"Please?"

"No"

"I'll be your best friend."

"I already have one."

"If you let go of me, I promise not to fight you now."

"No, you'll just do it later when there's more room."

Quickman flexed his hands for a tighter grip on the steering wheel. Hardly ten minutes had passed and he already felt a tick developing in his right eye. It was going to be a long, long flight. A fact he was trying to forget, 14 hours later, flying somewhere over Albania.

"Awww, just for a few minutes?"

"No."

"Come on."

"No"

"I'm getting stiff."

"Me too."

"Will both of you just SHUT UP?!"

Quickman's passengers were temporarily stunned into silence by his outburst. Rock squirmed, "I'll stop if he lets me go."

"I'm not letting you go."

"I'll keep complaining."

"Go ahead."

"I said shut up!"

"Only if Gutsman lets me go."

"Forget it."

Quickman just gave up. He was noticing the start of a vicious cycle. At least saw the peak of the skull castle looming on the horizon. The hellish flight was finally over. Quickman accidentally crashed the jet hard, eager to be rid of his annoying passengers. The plane twisted into a flaming pile of metal as the three robots crawled from the wreckage, slightly singed, but otherwise unharmed. Gutsman quickly gathered himself and grabbed Rock once again, leaving Quickman to make frantic attempts to extinguish the fire.

"YO DOC, I GOT HIM!" Gutsman bellowed, kicking down the door to the lab. "Excellent, excellent." Dr. Wily purred, seemingly materializing next to his robot "Now take him to the others". He gave a smart salute before grabbing a shovel and straw hat and walking off, "Will do, Old Man." Wily's face fell, "I hope you plan on using that shovel to bury him..." he hissed.

"What? Oh no, I've got some sunflowers that won't plant themselves." In spite of his embarrassing situation, Rock giggled. "I thought you were going to quit gardening and help the others scrap him!" Wily retorted, pointing a shaky finger towards Rock.

Gutsman thoughtfully scratched his cheek, "Did I say that? Well, after spending over 14 hours on a plane with him, I'm not sure I feel up to fighting. I'll let the others handle it." He walked off before the doctor had so much as a chance to digest those words.

"Erm...sorry. I hope you're not offended that I don't want to fight. I just have a new hobby is all." Rock sighed, finally giving up on escaping from his enemy as he continued babbling needlessly. "I guess I'll just give you to the Gemini twins and their customers. They might be mad enough at being interrupted to fight you." With that, Gutsman kicked down a seemingly random door, tossed Rock inside, and skipped off to the garden.

Our hero immediately climbed to his feet and examined the room. True to Gutsman's words, it was full of Robot Masters, but none of them so much as turned to see what caused a rather loud commotion. Rock moaned, he supposed he couldn't be too upset that they had no intention to melt, freeze, and rip him to scrap, but he still felt a _little_ disheartened that he was taken from his own front yard and dragged to Iraq only to be ignored by his enemies.

Well, he at the very least was going to learn what was going on. Without further thought on the matter, Rock ran behind the first Robot Master he spotted and tapped him on the shoulder, "Uh.... excuse me?" Rock asked shyly. Astroman's eyes went wide, "Oh for the love of Pete don't touch me!"

"Look, I just need to ask a quick question." The Robot Master turned to face his assailant. "OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!!!! You're Rockman! Please don't kill me; I'm not in the mood to fight. I'm only here to talk to the Gemini twins; they're good at handling all kinds of problems. Really-"

Rock threw up his hands defensively, "Okay, okay. I just want to figure out why I was brought here if no one intends to fight me." Astroman looked as though he was going to answer, when a singsong voice called, "Next!"

"Well, I'd love to help you, even though you're my enemy and all, but I've got a big problem I need to solve." He darted off and Rock couldn't help but follow. Astroman stopped in an adjacent room that appeared to be some sort of converted closet, and in it, the Gemini twins sat behind a makeshift cardboard desk surrounded by papers. Astroman floated before them, trembling.

The first of the twins stood up. "Welcome Astroman! Come and find your better half with the Gemini Dating Service!"

"I know!" Astroman snapped, "You already set me up with the computer!" The second Geminiman frowned. "What's the problem? Did she cheat on you?"

"Even worse!" Astroman lowered his voice to a whisper, "I saw...her circuitry board. I could've died from embarrassment!" The Gemini twins exchanged cheerful glances as Astroman grabbed one of his floating balls and held it tightly, "I don't see why you two are so happy. I didn't think she'd be so...so provocative around me!"

One of the Gemini twins wrapped an arm around the mortified robot master, "You do realize that she was supposed to do something like that. It means she likes you Astroman. I'm going to tell the others." With that, Geminiman rushed out of the closet over Astroman's protests, knocking Rock backwards in the process, "Hey everyone! Astroman saw the computer's circuitry board. Let's give him some applause!"

"That is it!" Astroman shouted over the ovation. "I should never have trusted you guys or that harlot of a computer! I'm leaving!" Geminiman ran to stop him, but tripped over Rock in the process. His eyes went wide, "What the..." Rock met his gaze and fear washed over the tiny robot. Something was about to happen. Something terrible, he could feel it.


	3. Strange Attractions

_A/N: Okay, a little note about what is likely the most insignificant detail from chapter 2- 'Martin the Warrior' is a great book by Brian Jacques. If you haven't read it, then skip my story and go get a copy. What else? I hope you all can understand the 1337 speak in this chapter (sorry if I screw up with it)._

Rock whimpered and inched away from his potential enemy. After all he had seen, he was entertaining the thought that he wouldn't be doing much fighting during his stay at the Skull Castle- a hope that was undoubtedly about to be quelled. Geminiman regarded him for a moment, and then grabbed his shoulders. Rock resisted the urge to scream. "Welcome! Come and find your better half with the Gemini Dating Service!" He paused to regard his potential customer. "Well...you're a tad young, but I think we can still help you."

Our hero immediately relaxed and followed Geminiman into his makeshift office. His twin was already shuffling through some papers, "Oh, we have another one? The only appliances left are the clock radio, the air conditioner, and now the old Gateway computer. Are you interested?" He peered at Rock with a large smile.

"Wait...what? You think I'm here to date a household appliance?!" Rock asked, thoroughly perturbed. The Gemini twins exchanged glances, "Well, yes. That's the only reason anyone ever comes to talk to us." The second one said sadly. "That or to complain to us about their dates." Added the first.

"GEMINIMAN! It happened again!" shouted a muffled, yet obviously irate, voice from the main doorway. The twins let out a simultaneous sigh, "Case and point. Care to help?" They asked Rock. "Sure." The three robots rushed to the doorway and found Magnetman doubled over with his head in a dryer. Geminiman groaned and looked to his twin and Rock, "Okay, we've got a #37- Magnetman getting his head stuck to the inside of the dryer. You," he pointed to Rock, "hold the dryer still while we try to pull him out."

Each of the twins grabbed a leg and pulled hard while Rock braced himself behind the dryer. After five minutes of pulling (and getting screamed at by Magnetman), all the robots did was exhaust themselves. "Stupid...electro...magnetic...force." Geminiman panted. "What if we cut off that giant magnet on his head?" Rock suggested innocently. "NO!!! You leave that alone!" Magnetman shouted, inching slowly away from him, dragging the dryer behind him with a loud 'scrack'.

"Wait, we can just get Metalman to cut you out," Geminiman half-heartedly suggested, "Problem is...you'd just get stuck to _him_ instead".

"I'll go find him." His twin said with an evil smile.

"NO!" Magnetman took a deep breath, visibly calming down, "How about...I just figure this out myself. Thank you two...three. Well, however many of you there are. I'll see you around." He waved goodbye to them, albeit in the wrong direction, and struggled to get himself and the dryer back out the door. The second Gemini twin waited until Magnetman was gone and slumped to the floor, sobbing. "WHY?!" he cried. "Why does everyone treat us like this?!"

Geminiman knelt next to his counterpart and patted his back. "Treat us like what?"

"Just because we set Iceman up with the freezer..." he stopped to sniffle, "everyone else thinks we can do just as good a job with them. It's just not fair damn it!"

"Now now, there's no need to curse. There is a child present."

The second Geminiman smiled at his twin. "Oh please, that's nothing compared to what Dr. Wily said in front of Clownman when he found Starman wearing a dress the other day." Rock's mouth fell open, "Wow! Is it like this all the time when you guys aren't fighting?"

"What? Oh no, normally Forte is around to yell at us." The Gemini twins exchanged glances, "Yeah, where the hell is Forte anyway?" The first one moved to respond, and then stopped, "You know, I have no bloody idea. He's been missing for a while, come to think of it..."

Rock's face lit up as the Gemini twins continued to muse. None of the Robot Masters wanted to fight, Wily wasn't watching him, and Forte was missing. It was all too perfect. He would be able to get home with no opposition. "Hey, can I ask you guys a big, big favor?" he chirped.

"Hm?" The first Geminiman smiled sweetly at him.

Our hero cleared his throat; "You guys think you can show me the way out of the Skull Castle so I can teleport home?" Geminiman gasped, "Outside?! Oh no! You don't want to go outside!"

"Why not? I wanna go home." Rock whined

"Well..."

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That next morning, Eddie squeaked and threw himself at the closed front door again; dearly wishing Dr. Light had been kind enough to grace him with arms of some sort. He staggered back and ran forward, preparing to ram it one more time. "Ah, what a beautiful day for watching Rock rebuild the Ambord's house." Roll said sweetly, stepping outside as Eddie flew past her and into the kitchen. "Eddie?" She questioned, following the trashcan "Oh God, we locked you out again last night, didn't we?"

"Meep." Eddie replied, tossing her Gutsman's note. "Huh? What's this? '001101 011010010 010100 010...Gutsman!' Dr. Light! Come here quick!"

"What is it, Roll?" The doctor panted as he ran into the kitchen. "Eddie got this note from Gutsman last night!" She said sadly, showing him the crumpled piece of paper.

"I can't read binary. Can you translate it?"

Roll skimmed the note one more time. "I can but...it translates into 1337 speak, which is impossible to understand!" Dr. Light stroked his beard. "1337 speak, huh? I can read it. Dr. Cossack sometimes sends me e-mails in 1337 when he's drunk." The two traveled to the lab and Roll typed up Gutsman's letter on a computer:

'W00t w00t! H0we R j00? T00k R0k 2 Eye-r4k. W3'77 53nd j00 7eh 5krapz. W1L3 pwnz j00!!!!1 Wuv j00 L0tz, Gutsman PS: ROFLMAO!!!!"

Dr. Light shook his head at the computer. "Just what is that supposed to mean?! Dr. Cossack's e-mails never looked that convoluted." Roll sighed, realizing where the miscommunication was, "Dr. Light, are you sure his e-mails were 1337 and not Russian?" The doctor thoughtfully stroked his beard. "Some words were spelled with a '6'."

"Yeah, that's Russian."

Dr. Light ran a hand over his face. "Fine fine, I'll call Auto. Maybe he can read it."

_AN: Okay, maybe that 1337 thing was a little cruel, so rather than waste more story time on it, I'll just tell you what it says: "Yo, how are you? I took Rock to Iraq. We'll send you the scraps. Wily rules! Lots of love, Gutsman." Fascinating, I'm sure_.


	4. Starman's Plan

Iceman sighed and watched his crusty white breath rise to the top of the freezer. "Stupid Wily." He spat while toying with an old pint of Ben n' Jerry's ice cream. The doctor seemed to delight in interrupting his private time with his 'Ice Queen', as he liked to call the freezer. The midget robot smiled wryly because, although Wily didn't know it, that was all about to change. It was time for the old fool to pay for his meddling. Before Wily showed up once again, Iceman switched the soy ice cream with its lactose-ridden counterpart, and just in time too.

"Hey Doc," Iceman chirped, holding up the ice cream, "this is what you're looking for, right?"

"Um...yes. Thank you, Iceman." Dr. Wily took the ice cream from his suspiciously happy robot.

Iceman pulled out the soy ice cream after Wily closed the door, took a mittenful of the stuff, and gave it a lick. He made a small noise of delight. The way Dr. Wily complained, he had been led to believe that the soy ice cream was inferior, but he found it very tasty.

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"Sorry little buddy," Geminiman said to Rock, "but something tells me we'd be facing instant deactivation if we led you outside the Castle grounds." He watched as our hero's face fell. "But," his twin began, "there is a loophole. We'll just take you to the roof. That way, you're not technically leaving the Skull Castle; just going somewhere you can teleport out. Follow us, we'll take a shortcut through the kitchen."

Rock furrowed his brow at the two for a moment, and then decided they were indeed trustworthy. They had yet to show him any sort of animosity and seemed to be well respected among the other Robot Masters. "Okay, you two lead the way."

Approximately three uneventful hours later, the trio finally made it to the door of the kitchen. Geminiman held open the door and motioned Rock inside. "Don't come in here," Iceman warned from his spot on the table, "right now, the kitchen is full of fruits and nuts." He cocked a thumb in the direction of Starman, Plantman, and Flameman who were all engaged in some sort of squabble in front of the stove. "Iceman, shouldn't you be bonding with the freezer now?" Geminiman did his best to ignore the commotion in the background.

The midget robot sighed and swung his legs idly off the table, "Wily unplugged it."

"Why'd he do that?"

"I got mad at him for opening the door all the time, so I gave him some Ben n' Jerry's ice cream and ate the soy stuff myself." He answered quickly. Rock shrugged. "So? What's so bad about that?"

"He's lactose-intolerant."

Rock gasped. "Oh no! No wonder the poor man went insane!"

"Hm, all this good food will go to waste." Geminiman stared forlornly at the thick, black cord that snaked around the front of the refrigerator.

"No it won't." Starman sang, "There's something I've been dying to do. I saw it on TV once." Geminiman blinked in confusion as Starman sauntered up to him. "I was just going to plug it back in-"

He was cut off by an anguished cry from the kitchen. Starman sighed, "Flameman and Plantman, will you two quit it? This is no good if either of you is dead now."

"What does it matter?" Plantman said dejectedly, "I've already died a thousand tiny deaths since you dragged me into this. AH!" He screamed as Flameman twisted one of the petals on his head. "Is time for shutting up now! We must battle!" he said in a brusque Middle Eastern accent.

"I suppose we should get started now that we have judges." Starman pointed to the Gemini twins and Rock. "NO!" Plantman screamed, "There is no way you're going to subject me to my own little version of Hell!"

Rock aimed his arm cannon at Starman, "Just what do you think you're doing to those poor robots?" Ignoring the weapon pointed in his direction, Starman raised his head so that his crown caught the incandescent glow of the overhead lights. "All of you prepare to experience the most epic battle the Skull Castle has ever seen! Our competitors- Plantman, the expert vegetarian and Flameman, master of the Middle East! Get ready for...Iron Chef!"

Plantman made a pathetic attempt to regain his composure and pointed accusingly at his tormentor, "I'm not going to hurt a plant, let alone cook one, for your sick amusement!"

"Iron Chef?" Geminiman said offhandedly, "I could've sworn we were made of titanium..."

"Okay Plantman, have it your way. The secret ingredient is fish. Now both of you get moving. You two," he looked at the Gemini twins, "can be judges of the dishes with Iceman. And you," he wrapped an arm around Rock, "you stay with me."

"Um...I think I'd rather just go home." Rock said softly while backing up toward the Gemini twins. "Nonsense cutie! You just got here." Starman knelt next to our little hero, who was blushing slightly. "What's wrong my boy? You are _flaming_!"

Geminiman reacted before Rock was able to so much as process the pick-up line. "You know what, Rock? Something tells me we should leave. I'd like to get out of here before Flameman tries to light the stove."


	5. Full House a la Rockman

_A/n: Wow. Not one review for this yet. I know this story sucks, I just didn't think quite that bad. Like most authors here, I thrive on reviews so leave some. I don't care what it is, just share your opinion.  
_

"Um, Starman?" Geminiman said nervously, "Aren't you the least bit concerned that Flameman is trying to fry some fish sticks in gasoline?" Starman never turned his attention away from an increasingly uncomfortable Rock, "Why should I be?"

Geminiman cleared his throat, "Well...by the very fact this is _Flameman_ trying to cook with gasoline with a stove, that might cause the kitchen to blow up and take us out with him." Starman smiled, but gave no evidence of comprehension. "Oookay. Let me try this again. Flameman runs on oil. Oil and heat shouldn't mix in an uncontrolled environment. That's what causes disasters. Can you understand what I'm saying at all?"

More smiling. "No, but I _can_ unwrap a Starburst with my tongue." The Gemini twins simultaneously shuddered. "Hey guys?" Rock asked quietly, "Can we go now? This was fun at first, but now it's just weird."

"Just save yourselves." Plantman told them while holding up the goldfish bowl. "I think my dish is just going to be this poor goldfish in a glass of water. Leave unless you want the robotic equivalent of food poisoning."

"Okay, let's go," Geminman whispered to Rock. With that, the three robots subtly tiptoed out of the kitchen and into the next room. Shockingly enough, Starman let them go, or he just chose to ignore them. "You know what guys," Rock began to the twins, "you should come home with me. You could probably use the vacation and I think Dr. Light would like to meet you. Oh!" He squeaked as he ran into something tall and red.

"Hello, Rockman."

"Huh? Tenguman?"

"Indeed." The Robot Master laughed, "Since Forte is no longer around, I feel it is my duty to eliminate you." Our hero's face grew tense. He nearly made it out of the castle without any sort of violence, and then along came Tenguman with battle lust glinting in his beady optics. Despite this, Rock held his ground, determined to get home no matter what the cost. Luckily, he knew how to end this potential battle, but it would be ugly. In the recesses of his memory banks, Rock recalled a weapon Dr. Light never knew he had. It was something so powerful, that the good doctor would likely deactivate or reeducate his sweet little creation if he learned of it- Rock's ability to cry on cue.

Our hero inwardly groaned, Tenguman brought this entirely upon himself. Rock turned his head to the side and sniffled while his enemy watched in wide-eyed confusion. Then he blinked up at the Robot Master with watery, doleful optics. The expression alone was adorable enough to make a fluffy, two-week old kitten look like a puddle of puke. "W-w-what do you think you're doing?!" Tenguman sputtered. Rock sniffed again and began to play with his fingers. "I'm just trying get home to see my family, but all these people keep trying to stop me." He said pathetically.

Tenguman just looked down at Rock and blinked. Just how was he supposed to react to that? He certainly couldn't attack the kid while he was crying. Not only would that be dishonorable but the Gemini twins, along with Rock, would likely slaughter him. "Awwww," Geminiman crooned, "come on, just let him go."

Rock inwardly grinned. "Uh..." Tenguman said. He turned toward Rock once again, who was still as cute as ever. He couldn't just let him leave, could he? "Please?" Rock asked sweetly, "You're lucky, you get to stay at home. Please let me pass." He continued to whimper. Tenguman shook his head violently and stepped to the side. This just wasn't happening.

"Smart move, Pinocchio." Geminiman chirped, briskly passing Tenguman while dragging his twin with him. The Robot Master snarled, but otherwise did nothing. He was still too much in shock. Rock blinked a few times to clear the tears from his eyes then trotted behind his new friends to the Skull Castle's roof.

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"Wow" Geminiman marveled at Rock's neighborhood, "how can you even tell which house is yours? They all look alike."

"It's easy," Rock chirped, "we live next to the smoking pile of rubble. And look, there's Blues at the mailbox, he must've come home for a visit. Hi Blues!" The elder robot turned at his name. "Rock! Do you have any idea how worried Dr. Light and Roll have been? I was about ready to go to Iraq to look for you!" He took a deep breath to calm himself. "But I guess what's important is that you're home now. I just got the mail, so let's go inside."

Suddenly, a thought occurred to Rock, "Wait a second. You never just come home to visit, why are you here?"

"Well...a while ago, I got a job with the Republican Party as a presidential bodyguard, but then Bush fired me! He said I wasn't 'evil' enough to work for them, and that he found another robot more suitable for the job! So here I am- jobless, dejected, and back in the robotic version of 'Full House'." Blues fumed for a moment before shuffling through the mail. "Let's see...death threat to Dr. Light, death threat to Rock, birthday card from Aunt Sharon, another death threat for Rock, something from the Ambords that's covered in white powder..."

"You mean you're not happy to see us?" Our hero interrupted. Blues sighed, "Well, things might be interesting now that you brought home two new Wily bots. I can't wait to see how Dr. Light takes it." Rock nodded and ran ahead of his brother, eager to find his father and Roll. He found them in the living room watching TV. Rock waited for the Gemini twins and Blues to arrive before he greeted them.

"Dr. Light, Roll, I'm home!" The doctor nearly jumped at the sound of the familiar soprano voice. Roll ran over to him and wrapped her brother in a tight embrace. Dr. Light just smiled, happy to have his family back together again. "Oh," Rock began almost as an afterthought, "I want to introduce you to Geminiman and uh Gemin-"

Our hero thought for a moment. It never occurred to him that the twins had the exact same name, looked exactly alike, and acted exactly the same, but he couldn't introduce them as the same robot. "These are the Gemini twins!" he finally said. Roll smiled and waved to the newcomers, but Dr. Light grabbed Rock's shoulders and led his little creation to the far corner of the room. "Rock, do you remember that talk we had about bringing Wily's robots back to this house?" Our hero nodded. "Then why are those two here?"

"Because they're my friends." Rock answered simply. The good doctor messaged his forehead, "Then let me ask you something else. Do you have the program commnsnse.exe running?" Our hero called up his task manager. "No, why? What does it do?" Dr. Light shook his head, he suspected as much. "Come down to the lab with me. I think I need to install a common sense chip in you, and then you can explain yourself and start rebuilding the Ambord's house. You two," he pointed to the Gemini twins, "come too. I'd like to run some diagnostics on you."

Blues smirked and felt the atmosphere of the room turned from joyful to tense. No, maybe being home wouldn't be so bad after all.

A/n: Not come off as desperate, but for the love of God review. Also, sorry for the Republican joke, no offense to any of you, it's a trace element from another version of this story and I couldn't resist just one jab. 


	6. Raising the Roof

_A/n: Thanks for the reviews; I don't think I'll ever be so paranoid again. Now to answer some questions: Congratulations Randy, you found out where Forte went. However, this is no longer a plot point for obvious reasons. As to whether he'll actually show up in this story...I haven't decided yet, but it's unlikely. _

_How will I write this story without politics? It actually took surprisingly little imagination to rework. And Positron, if you're looking for other humor stories, I highly recommend 'Dr. Wily's Robot Rejects' and 'Cookies of Chaos'._

_Okay, that was a lot. Sorry about that. Now on with chapter 6!_

Rock lay still with his eyes closed as some binary flashed through his mind. _New program, commnsnse.exe detected. Run?_ "Rock," Dr. Light said gently, "I installed that common sense chip in you. You know what to do with the file."

Our hero nodded as the same message appeared again. **No**_. Commnsnse.exe will not execute. Ignore file? _**Yes**_. Put file on permanent ignore list? _**Yes**. "Okay, I'm all done Dr. Light!" The doctor heaved a sigh of relief. At least one of his robots would behave rationally now.

"Good, now go wait upstairs in the living room with Blues. I'll be up with the Gemini twins shortly." He then turned his attention to the Wily bots cowering under an examination table.

----------------------------

"So you mean you just put the common sense program on ignore?" Blues asked his younger brother with mild amusement.

"Yeah. If I let it run, it would only force me to think before acting."

"Does Dr. Light-"

"Good God! Get away from me you crazy old man!" Geminiman, minus his twin, threw open the lab door and dashed behind the sofa. Dr. Light appeared in the doorway seconds later brandishing a needle filled with a syrupy orange liquid. "Geminiman, will you please relax? It's only an updated version of Norton Antivirus. It'll prevent you from getting sick."

"I don't care!" came the shaky reply; "My twin froze up after getting injected with that liquid excuse for a program!" Dr. Light drew a sharp breath, "All he needs is to be rebooted. It's a common procedure." Rock leaned back to look at the cringing robot. "Yeah, be careful. That shot really hurts too."

"That is it! Don't do dare come near me with that!" Geminiman continued to yell.

"Oh fine," the doctor grumbled, stashing the needle in his lab coat, "but don't blame me when you catch the newest Trojan Worm and need your hard drive reformatted. Now the real reason I wanted you all together." The doctor paused while the three robots grumbled amongst themselves for a few seconds. "The Ambords need their house rebuilt today. We can't keep getting letter bombs from them. Roll is complaining about having to defuse them and since four robots work faster than one..."

"Wait," Blues said, his voice deathly calm, "just why do I have to help clean up a mistake I wasn't even around to laugh at?"

"Because I don't trust you with free time, especially if Rock's being punished." Dr. Light answered simply, crossing his arms. Blues quickly saw there was little point in arguing over the matter, but he had no intention of giving Dr. Light the satisfaction of talking him into doing something.

"Fine, I'll help...but only because I like Rock." Geminiman chuckled from behind the sofa, "Apparently, that's because he feeds your ego."

"All of you just get to work. Geminiman, I'm going to reboot your twin. So he'll be up shortly." Dr. Light said before a fight could break out.

-----------------------

Later that day, Dr. Light, Roll, Mr. and Mrs. Ambord, and their daughter Mary Sue admired the nearly finished house. Dr. Light marveled at how fast the robots actually worked, even more so because it seemed like they were doing a decent job, at least on the outside. Mr. Ambord remained skeptical however, "So let me get this straight doctor, you have battle robots rebuilding my house...and you think it'll be structurally sound?"

"Don't worry, Mr. Ambord. I programmed a basic knowledge of architecture into them. When they're done, your house will look just like everyone else's once again." Dr. Light said, more to convince himself than Mr. Ambord.

"Yeah, it'll be just fine." Roll added, "Here. I'll show you." Much to Mr. Ambord's growing horror, she lifted a hefty stone and hurled it at one of the house's main support beams. The structure shook slightly, but remained stable and intact. "See, it's fine. They're doing a good job."

Dr. Light smiled inwardly. The house hadn't collapsed...yet. Mr. Ambord covered his ears as a shrill cry tore through the air. "A good job?! It sounds like some poor little girl is getting attacked in there!"

"What are you-" Dr. Light paused as he heard the scream once again, "Oh that. Don't worry, that's just Rock. He and Blues are fighting again, it'll stop soon." Mr. Ambord shook his head at his near-completed house, sincerely hoping that the robots did indeed know how to build.

--------------------------

"Are you _sure_ this goes here?" Geminiman asked his twin while staring at a toilet positioned near the fireplace.

"Why not? Dr. Light said we need to put at least three of them in. He just never said where, and it looks kinda like a chair."

"No. I think Waveman said he saw it filled with water. And who wants water near a fireplace?"

"I never thought of that. Where else have we seen water today?"

"The kitchen!" they shouted simultaneously, happy they prevented a potentially embarrassing blunder.

"We can just move it in there then we can get started on painting the family room. You know, I think the Ambords are going to be really impressed with us."

"No doubt." Geminiman replied while tossing the porcelain goddess into the kitchen. "I'll get some paint. What color?"

"Shouldn't it be obvious?"

"Yeah...lime green."

"What? You mean orange?" The twins stopped to glare at each other. They just disagreed! When had something like that happened?

"Orange? Did that antivirus shot scramble your C drive?"

"No," Geminiman growled to his twin, "I'm thinking that orange is a much more attractive color than lime green."

"And I think that you're not thinking at all!"

Geminiman jabbed his twin in the chest. "Well, I think I'm embarrassed to call you my clone!"

"Clone?!" Geminiman had never felt so much ire toward his twin, clone, himself...whatever, "Oh no my friend, I'm the real Geminiman. You're just a lousy copy."

"I'll copy you, jerk! Gemini Laser!" Geminiman threw himself to the floor as his twin's laser bounced around the near completed family room before shattering a small portion of the ceiling.

"See what you did?" he said smugly. The offending twin rubbed his arm nervously as Blues stuck his head down through the opening.

"What are you two doing?" Blues asked calmly.

"We just got into a small fight," Geminiman said as he climbed to his feet, "we'll fix it."

"Don't worry about it," Blues replied, "I'll just throw a some carpeting over it later." With that, he yelled something incoherent at Rock and disappeared through the hole.

"I'm sorry," Geminiman said shamefully, "we shouldn't be fighting over something so stupid. If we can't agree on a color, we can each paint half of the room our own way."

"Great idea!" the second Geminiman grabbed a lime green can of paint and handed the orange to his twin. "You know, this house is going to look so damn good!"


	7. Red vs Blue

_A/n: So this fanfic is no longer Operation: Bushwhack. Now that it's revised, that title just doesn't make sense...at least not to me. Schadenfreude, I feel is much more appropriate because well... that's what the story's about. For those of you who don't care to look it up, Schadenfreude is a German word meaning 'happiness at the misfortune of others'. Other than that, I'd like to remind you all that I'm a glutton for reviews, so leave one before you hit the 'back' button._

"Rock, you missed the top half of the wall." Blues smirked as he watched his incredibly short brother struggle to paint a bedroom blue. Rock groaned softly, clearly frusterated, and let the paintbrush fall to the floor.

"Well, maybe I wouldn't be if you actually bothered to help me."

Blues thought for a moment. "Well yes…but if I did that, I couldn't watch you perform a balancing act on the very top of a ladder. I only wish you could see how entertaining you are." Rock jumped to the floor and grabbed his brush. Blues had been tormenting him all day; he was tired and still trying to forget that Dr. Light yelled at him earlier this week. Really, he felt as though he had been through enough.

"No!" Our hero snapped without warning as he flung the paintbrush at Blues, leaving a wide blue streak down the center of his gray armor. "You do this for a while. Dr. Light said you have to help too." There, that certainly was cathartic. Blues frowned at the blotch on this armor and ran the discarded brush over Rock's face. He smiled as the tension between them dissipated. "This can only mean one thing…"

"Paintbrush fight!" they shouted simultaneously. Rock snatched a brush on the floor while Blues found a paint roller and ran it over his brother's back. Our hero dunked his weapon of choice into an open can and painted over Blue's visor, effectively blinding him. While he struggled to wipe off the paint before it dried, Rock took the opportunity to dump the entire bucket on his brother's head.

"HA!" he celebrated prematurely, "I finally managed to beat you in something."

"Did you now?" Blues said in an overly friendly voice, wiping as much paint from his shades as possible. There were still a number of irregular lines streaking them, but he was able to see, sort of. Rock backpedaled when he saw the sadistic grin on his brother's face and fell through the hole Geminiman had created earlier. Blues grinned and hastily covered the potential deathtrap with a decorative rug. He rushed downstairs to find the Gemini twins very concerned and Rock lying dazed on a couch.

"Hey guys…" Roll tentatively cracked open the front door, "are you done yet?" Geminiman gave her confident thumbs up.

"We finished downstairs and considering Blues just got here, I'm guessing he and Rock are done upstairs too."

"Wow Blues, what happened to you? Did Rock explode or something?" Roll asked, her voice full of amusement.

"We uh…just finished painting. It's a messy job."

"Great!" Roll chirped, "I'll get the Ambords and Dr. Light, then you can give us a tour."

----------------------------

Rock, Blues, and the Gemini twins waited anxiously in the kitchen for the humans to arrive. As soon as the doorknob turned, Geminiman grabbed the handle and opened the door fully. "Welcome home neighbors!" he beamed to the gaping Ambords.

"Why is there a toilet on the counter?" Mr. Ambord stared straight past the robots. The Gemini twins frowned. Had they really screwed up with that? Geminiman cleared his throat, "A couple of reasons. We knew it used water, so we put it in the kitchen considering it's the only room that has running water and it's by the sink to save time and money on piping."

Dr. Light placed a hand on each of the twin's shoulders. What they said made sense. They were robots, and he thought it a bit unfair to expect them to know what to do with a toilet. "Just so you two know, the toilet goes in the bathroom."

"The what room?" the twins shrugged at the good doctor, obviously clueless as to what the he was talking about. Mrs. Ambord shook her head in disbelief.

"Well surely Rock and Blues put a bathroom upstairs." Dr. Light said hastily. His face fell when he saw how fidgety his sons became. "You…forgot to put bathrooms in, didn't you?"

"You'll live without them, I'm sure. Come see your family room!" Geminiman ushered the stunned Ambords into the next room. "Now we couldn't agree on a color so…"

Roll let out a happy squeal when she saw the lime-green and orange room, complete with a black line drawn down its center. "This room looks great! Hey Dr. Light, can I paint my room like this?"

"I don't think so."

"I'm confused." Mr. Ambord said to the twins, "You two are supposed to be two robots that look, act, and _think_ exactly alike, correct?"

"Wrong!" Geminiman sang, "We are two separate."

"Very separate." The second chimed in.

"And unique."

"Very unique."

"Individuals."

"Yeah."

"Who can't coordinate." Mr. Ambord spat. To their credit, the Gemini twins didn't do a terrible job on the room if one could look past the hideous color combination, which Mr. Ambord was still forcing himself to do.

"Try not to worry too much. I'm sure Rock and Blues did a fine job on the second floor." Dr. Light's voice sounded tense. The brothers exchanged uneasy glances as the group migrated up the stairs.

"Wait!" Rock cried when he saw Mary Sue prepare to walk into the room he and Blues had the paintbrush fight in, "you don't want to go in there."

"And why not?" she huffed in a voice so melodic that it would make angels fume with envy.

"Because-"

"Go on in," Blues interrupted, ignoring the glare Rock gave him, "it'll make the downstairs look good."

"What in hell happened in here?!" Mr. Ambord shrieked after he stepped in the room.

"What do you mean what the hell happened?" Blues planted a firm hand on his neighbor's shoulder. "This room's a fine example of modern robotic art. If you preserve it, it might be worth something to someone someday. So really, we did you a favor."

"Hmmm," Mr. Ambord sauntered into the room, coming to a stop on a decorative rug.

"Wait Mr. Ambord, don't-" Rock stopped in mid-sentence as his neighbor fell through the gaping hole. "Are you okay, Mr. Ambord?" he asked meekly, peering down at the irate man sprawled on a couch that had luckily broken his fall.

"Physically I'm fine. You know, I think I've seen enough of this house. It looks…" he tried to think of something to say that wouldn't provoke the robots, "like it was built by robots." He finished lamely.

"Sorry about blowing it up to begin with." Rock smiled, proud he had helped resolve the conflict with the rather prickly family.

--------------------------------

Mr. Ambord glared vehemently at Dr. Light when he brought the overly cheerful robots back downstairs.

"What?" the doctor asked a bit more harshly than he intended, "I only promised the house wouldn't collapse. I never said anything about decent interior decorating."

"I'm glad that went so well." Roll prattled on the way back home, "I think we should have the Ambords over for dinner tomorrow night to celebrate our new friendship!" Dr. Light nodded absently as a thought struck him hard- his robots were idiots.


	8. Live and Let Live

_ A/n. This is it- the final chapter! I know technically robots aren't supposed to eat, but I figure that if they get pregnant in other stories, they can eat in mine._

"This is going to be so exciting! I'm going to make a scrumptious turkey dinner to kick off the Light-Ambord alliance!"

"Uh…about that Roll, I doubt I'll be showing up to that." Blues said tentatively once he received the news.

"And just why not?" Blues racked his CPU for a legitimate excuse. It was unlikely his family would just accept that he felt like wandering around some more, likely setting out to get revenge on Forte. If not, hell, anything was preferable to a dull life in the suburbs, even spending the night in a cardboard box. _Okay,_ he thought swiftly_, just what would make my family not want me around for a special turkey dinner?_

"I-I'll just ruin it." That was a good start, but what else? "I'm a…vegetarian. Yeah, us vegetarians are a pain to feed, and I don't want to inconvenience everyone." Blues smiled smugly, "Yup, don't want me around any cooked turkeys. People eating animals makes me upset." That would work. He sauntered toward the front door.

"That's okay, I can just make a tofurkey. That way, everyone's happy and you won't feel obligated to leave."

"A wha…" Blues froze. Roll giggled; sometimes she could be denser than a rock, not Rock their brother, but rock as in a solid, unmovable hunk of granite.

"Don't be silly! A tofurkey, untukery, tofu turkey, if you're a vegetarian you should know what it is." Blues shook his head slowly, too stunned to say anything. "Oh poor big brother," Roll cooed, "it's a good thing you don't need protein, otherwise you'd be dead. I think you'll like tofurkey." Blues unwound the scarf from his neck and began to weave it into a noose. There was still one final hope for leaving.

"Okay, I'll just be hanging out in the front yard until dinner's ready."

"Wait," Roll called as he started out the door again, "you don't plan on hanging yourself, do you?" A nod. "Oh no you don't! The Ambords think we're strange enough without seeing robots dangling from trees."

"Then I'll do it in the bathroom."

"Oh no! I'm not letting you drip fluids all over the bathroom floor after I spent the last hour cleaning it!" Blues cocked his head. He'd hate to think what would happen if he did plan on committing suicide. "If you're that upset, just go torment Rock or something, that always cheers you up."

-------------------------

Rock and Blues stood on the roof staring at the two-story drop into an untrimmed rose bush.

"No really Rock, you don't need Rush to fly over the bush, just jump and flap your arms."

"Um…I don't know about this." Rock looked between the ground and his brother with large, innocent eyes.

"Now I'm your big brother, would I lie to you?"

"Okay," Rock said hesitantly, inching toward the edge, "I'm trusti-"

"Hey boys," Blues groaned with disappointment when Dr. Light called them inside, "Come help set the table. Oh, and Rock, I want you to change before you come down for dinner."

"What's wrong with this?" Rock examined his clothes- a pair of jeans and his favorite Spiderman t-shirt.

"This is a formal dinner, I want you to put on your nice t-shirt. And Blues, you can dig up the silverware, I don't think we should use plastic utensils tonight."

Dr. Light walked back inside and found Geminiman putting some peas on the table. "Hey Doc, do you think the Ambords like tofurkey?"

"Tofurkey?" Dr. Light repeated. He could've sworn Roll was making actual food.

"Yeah, tofurkey." Evidently Roll heard him. "Blues is a vegetarian now, and I didn't want him to feel isolated."

"A vegetarian? Now why would he want to become one of _those_?" The doctor nearly spat the last word.

"Dr. Light! Who are we to question his lifestyle?" Roll retorted, placing the tofurkey in the table's center.

"His family." Dr. Light shook his head at the chunk of tofu masquerading as a dead bird. So much for impressing the Ambords, or proving that his family was remotely normal for that matter.

-----------------------

Dinner passed by in awkward silence, save the occasional compliment to Roll for her marvelous job on the peas, mashed potatoes, carrots, and bread (even though it was store bought). The banquet was unusually delicious save the tofurkey, which remained untouched on everyone's plate. The Gemini twins sat arguing quietly, each trying to force the other to eat it first. Blues just stared at his near-empty plate, never expecting this hyped-up dish to resemble something between spam and bologna. Rock just poked at his portion, half-expecting it to spring to life and poke him back.

"Rock, don't play with your food." Dr. Light ordered calmly, breaking the pervasive silence.

"I don't think this stuff qualifies as food, no offense Roll." He set the fork back on the plate.

"None taken. I was actually waiting for Blues to try it first, since I made it for him."

"Huh?" Blues jumped at the sound of his name. "Why me?" he asked, completely forgetting his lie.

"Because you're our family's token vegetarian. God only knows why, but I'd guess you're just trying to be weirder than you already are, but that's not important. All vegetarians learn to love tofu eventually, so you can-"

"A vegetarian?!" Geminiman laughed and choked on his water, "You were so eating bacon at breakfast!"

"Uh…" Blues fidgeted fretfully with his scarf as everyone gaped at him. It was terrible when a web of lies fell apart, even worse when it happened in front of a crowd.

"And didn't you have a chicken sandwich for lunch?" Rock giggled, then resumed poking the lump of tofu.

"So…you lied?" Roll's voice was deceptively calm. That was never good. Sure, his sister was often quiet and sweet, but when provoked, she tended to be more aggressive than two Fortes. Blues let out an unintentional gasp as a carving knife buried itself in the wall next to his head.

Dr. Light rolled his eyes. "So, if it weren't for you, we could've had a perfectly recognizable main dish?" The comment was promptly ignored.

"Blues, I swear to God as soon as I get you alone, I'm going to hang you with that tacky yellow rag you insist on constantly wearing!" Blues groaned. How terribly, terribly embarrassing if his little sister managed to beat him up in front of company!

"Now hold on Roll," he said in a calming voice, "the Ambords might find that weird. Remember?" He desperately hoped she recalled saying that earlier.

"Yes. Remember the Ambords? The family eating dinner with us _now?!_" Dr. Light sharply reminded his squabbling children. Roll shot him a surprised glance then sat down heavily in her chair. "Rock, I thought I told you to stop poking at your food." Rock immediately dropped his fork.

A longer, slightly more awkward lull followed the outburst. Geminiman sighed and tapped his knife on his plate, irritated. "Well…one of us is going to have to try it." His twin blurted.

"You're right." The first one said, "I think that Mr. Ambord should. After all, he is the guest of honor." All of the robots looked expectantly toward the man, who shakily stood up.

"That is absolutely it! All I do is try to give my wife and daughter a pleasant life in the suburbs and along comes you," he jabbed a finger toward Dr. Light, "who built a family of self-sufficient, sentient computers and give them all weapons which one uses to destroy my house. Then they rebuild it and decorate it with 'modern robotic art' and vomit green paint,"

"Lime green." Geminiman corrected sadly.

"HA! See, I told you orange was better!"

"Shut up." Mr. Ambord hissed. "Now, you invite me over for an apology dinner and offer me a highly processed dollop of beans rather than actual meat." He paused to grab a bottle of red wine on the table meant for after dinner. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going outside to drink my _real_ dinner!" With that, Mr. Ambord stormed out the door, his family following soon after.

The Lights seemed to stunned to respond, but Geminiman used the time to cut a piece of tofurkey and slowly took a bite. Once he got over the odd texture and appearance, it was tastier than the real thing. "You know, it tastes kind of like chicken."

"You mean turkey." His twin took a bite himself.

"Whatever, it's good."

"Jerkoffs," Roll mumbled, still glaring at the door.

"Now Roll," Dr. Light said, considerably calming down, "you're a smart, clever, creative young lady. Surely you can think up a better insult than 'jerkoffs'."

"Yes I probably could, but then you'd yell at me for cursing too much." she huffed.

"I think this time I can let it slide."

Fin

_Endnotes: Congratulations, you made it through Schadenfreude-my first full-length humor story. I don't think I've ever written something that's changed so drastically from the time I conceived the idea to the time it got to you guys. Whatever though, this was fun to write every step of the way. I should probably also say that tofurkey really is pretty good, just in case anyone was wondering ::shrug::. And for those interested, there is a half-complete political version of this story, which replaces chapter 4 onward, that I'll e-mail to anyone who'd like to see it (it's very anti-Bush to warn you). Finally, leave questions, comments, concerns, flames, ect., especially considering this is the last chapter of this. So leave a review, don't make me beg.  
_

_Thanks for reading. _


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